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To prove to myself that I am not obsessing over cancer or death or anything really, I decided to weigh myself for the first time in a couple of weeks. First, I ate two slices of bread with organic berry jam. Then two slices of bread with marmite, avocado, tomato and pepper. I clocked in at 68.4 kgs, about 1.5 kgs lighter than I thought I was. I had hoped that perhaps I'd put on a kilo as I think that I've been eating a lot more in the last couple of weeks than I have previously. But no. I then decided to have a quick shit. In the name of science. Popped out a 5 inch piece of work of average girth with a good squirt of urine. Back onto the scales. 68.4 kgs. Well, to me that makes perfect sense. The scales are fucked. ...(where am I hiding, folks? where am I hiding)... Tags: cancer, the road forward Current Music: Nash The Slash "And You Thought You Were Normal" (1982)
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The results from the PET scan are another mixed bag. News not so good - the hotspots are still there, same place, with slightly more glucose uptake occurring, plus one of the corresponding lymph nodes is marginally larger. Also one new hotspot in the abdomen that corresponds to another lymph node. At this point we have to assume it is a recurrence of the original cancer from the bowel. News that is good - the tumours in the liver continue to shrink, now down to 4cm and 3cm respectively. Most likely I'll start a clinical trial in the next month or two where they will be comparing two drugs (cetuximab vs panitumamab) for effectiveness. To get onto this trial I need to have a biospy taken to see if the cancer is of a certain mutation (60% chance that it is) and if it is then I can go on the trial. Not sure which drug I will go on, and each drug is 50% effective, though one requires a weekly IV injection, the other a fortnightly IV injection. These drugs are normally about $2000 per week to take, and with the trial I'll get it for free. Even better it that the trial is happening at the hospital five minutes drive from our home. So, I hope I get onto the trial first and foremost, and then that I'm lucky enough to get the fortnightly jab. Long term? If it works, then I stay on the drug indefinitely (tied to the fucking hospital for the rest of my life, may it be long!) and side effects are generally a rash that might occur on the face and chest. Man, where's that Roaccutane I was on as a teen? I might need it again. I don't care about being bald, oh no, but to lose my good looks? No, vanity, no! Seriously, I don't give a fuck what I look like as long as I live long enough to watch my daughter grow up. Unless I metamorph into the monster Isla is too embarrassed to introduce to her friends, but there was always a 90% chance that would be the case anyway. And then I wonder what long-term side-effects these drugs will have on my body. They all do. Tags: cancer, the road forward Current Music: Nash The Slash "Children Of The Night" (1980)
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The Mayne Press is now online. You can buy copies of my marvellous, wonderful, twisted and disturbing collection Slice of Life from them, as well as from my website.HAINES' SLICE OF LIFE - seventeen glistening stories, sweating with twenty first century paranoia and anxiety from the decaying mind of the winner of the 2005 Ditmar for New Talent.
Reviews: Exuberant, profane, and totally whacked out - Ellen Datlow The anxiety in these stories is palpable. Love the paranoia! Love the self loathing. Love the psychosis - Aurealis It's a great, nasty read. Recommended - Jenny Blackford, World Fantasy Awards judge Tags: slice of life, writing Current Music: Love & Rockets "Earth, Sun, Moon" (1987)
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X6 Official Launch
X6 will be officially launched at:
Berkelouw Books, 70 Norton Street, Leichhardt NSW 7pm, Thursday 12th November.
Award winning author Richard Harland will be launching the ship. All the X6 authors will be in attendance - Margo Lanagan, Terry Dowling, Paul Haines, Louise Katz, Cat Sparks and Trent Jamieson.X6 contains my 38,000 word novella Wives, a tender love story set in the near-future rural Australia. It'll make you cry. Come along! Tags: wives, writing, x6 Current Music: Spacemen 3 "Playing With Fire" (1989)
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